Being Assertive

What do we mean by being assertive?

For one thing it means being positive about one’s action. Standing up for ourselves and believing in ourselves in honest conviction for our own personal rights. That does not mean running or slapping down others beliefs as being less important than our own or undermined in any way.

Being assertive does not come naturally to most of us as most of us are not good at expressing our feeling’s or desires well. It is a skill that needs to be learned if we are to make it work for us in our interactions with others whether at work or with friends or even family. We want to be able to communicate in a reasonable way without undermining the rights of others but also being heard ourselves and not being taken for granted or ignored.

By being assertive we can act in our best interest, standing up for ourselves without feelings of stress which sometimes is not an easy thing if we are not to deny others their right of expression and belief.

We do not want to come over as aggressive nor passive but assertive. By being passive we deny our own rights and don’t act as equals if we place more importance on somebody else’s view because of feelings of inferiority or a need to be liked and not wanting to upset the other person. We allow others to take our power and control us by allowing them to take the responsibility and decisions. By being aggressive we do the opposite and take away the rights of others and take away their self-esteem by telling them instead of asking or ignoring what they have to say, taking no consideration for their feelings.

We need to be aware of the different approaches we can make and develop good interpersonal skills if we don’t want to offend but we still want to be heard ourselves without violating another’s rights. So, we need to express ourselves openly but also listen to the views of others and respond appropriately whether we agree or not with the other side without being bullied or bullying.

Being assertive does not mean we are forceful. We can still appreciate others contribution, be able to admit our mistakes, be able to apologise, maintain control in our communication, and behave as an equal at all times without coming from a point of weakness. This will lead to the kind of leadership skills that will be admired and respected.

One of the biggest things it gives us is the ability to say ‘NO’ without feeling guilty about it. As long as we don’t violate others rights you will still be liked and respected. People will know where they stand and you will feel better for it. Be polite but firm and clear and to the point.  Say how you feel but never attack the other person. A better outcome is them more likely.

 

Contributor: John