REVENGE

Don’t get Angry – Get Even, Revenge A dish best served Cold

 

You’ve all heard those sayings before. Someone has wronged you and you want to get even. Most of us don’t know how destructive those thoughts can be and just how much energy we waste in torturing ourselves over things we should just let go.

On 18^th June 2012 at 1215hrs my world came to an awful halt. I lost my brother who was also my best friend to Cancer. He had a grade 4 Glioma brain tumor that eventually took him. He was so strong physically but the brain like a computer processor gave out leaving perfect hardware behind. It was without doubt the worst day of my life and most painful.

Before my brother ever became ill I had some friends who were building houses and wanted me to buy a plot of land with them to build upon. We bought the plot with me putting in cash for my half and they obtained a bond or mortgage for their half. All went well for a while as they built houses and seemed to be doing well. They run a bit close to the wind for my liking and it worried me but I did not have the money to build so sat on the plot that we jointly owned. Those friends risked too much and one day it caught up with them and their business world came tumbling down when the economy slumped. They had to sell everything including the plot of land we jointly owned to pay off their debts.

My brother became ill during that time being diagnosed with cancer and our family was devastated.

I helped my friends allowing them to move into my house rent free for 6 months (with their children and pets) so they could sell their house and save a bit money. I was working overseas at the time so it was not an inconvenience for me at the time. My mind was elsewhere because of my brother’s condition.

They cried tears and said they would never forget what I had done for them.

Later Unbeknown to me, those very friends stopped paying their bond/mortgage on the plot we owned. Eventually lawyers contacted me to say that plot had to be sold. I agreed as I was in no position to buy them out or build on my own. When the transaction was completed my friends took the money from the sale (which was my cash left) and used half of my money to pay off their debts without telling me. When the balance came it dawned on me what had just happened. To add to this I had also loaned these friends money to buy a car to help them get around for interviews to try and get jobs.

After contacting my friends they said they had no money. Those very same friends that had shed tears for what I had done now posted holiday photos on Facebook and other celebrations that obviously cost a lot of money. I had arguments with these friends about the money they were spending when they owed me money.

They eventually began to pay me back for the car after a couple of years waiting at 50 GBP a week until it was paid. It took many phone calls and explanations that the money would be used to help my brothers suffering.

I never received all the money for land so effectively they managed to pass on part of their debt to me and make it my problem. I was livid and disgusted at these friends, especially when my brother was dying and they cared little and went on holiday. To them that was more important than my dying brother.

That’s the way it seemed to me and I spent a lot of energy feeling betrayed, angry, hurt, grief all rolled up together. I contemplated revenge of some sort. Eventually after my brother’s death I turned to positive thinking material to try and come to terms with my grief. This started to make me think that my whole way of thinking about life was wrong. I realized I was giving these so called friends my power. Those friends who had now long forgotten me and did not maintain contact. I found my resentment and desire for revenge was hurting only me and giving me a turmoil that put me in hell.

When selfish people take advantage of you just cross them off your list of friends. My resentment was making me shake with anger. That anger was turning chronic with hypertension and worse things would follow. I’m not religious but I remember from the bible Jesus saying ‘Love thy enemy as thyself’ or something like that. I think he was really warning us of high blood pressure, heart problems, ulcers etc… If we don’t just let go.

‘Better a dinner of herbs made with love than an Ox with hatred’

We may not be as saintly as Jesus to love our enemies but we can think of our own health and happiness. So, for that reason we can forgive and forget. Confucius the great Chinese thinker of his time said ‘To be wronged or robbed is nothing unless you continue to remember and think about it’. Why relive and torture ourselves daily whey the wrong doers have already forgotten us.

So, for your own wellbeing, if you have been wronged stop dwelling upon it and put it behind you and move forward. The only time that matters is the present. Stop worrying about things you cannot change or things that have not happened yet.

I know my brother would want me to be healthy and happy rather than bitter and angry leading to possible health problems. He worried about lots of things and would not want me to worry myself into an early grave. Perhaps faced with the same situation as my so called friends I would do the same. Who am I to judge them?

There is a high cost to be born for getting even or seeking revenge. I have chosen peace instead. You can choose peace in your life too. I don’t condone my friend’s actions and I know their world will always be dogged with ‘cheating’ as that’s the way they lead their lives. Mine on the other hand does not have to be so. I release my friends with love and hope one day they can live better lives and more peaceful abundant lives.

Just look at someone like Nelson Mandela. He saw that forgiveness was the only way forward for everyone to live in peace otherwise even as a free man he would have still been in prison (The prison of his own mind).

John Frederick