REVENGE

Don’t get Angry – Get Even, Revenge A dish best served Cold

 

You’ve all heard those sayings before. Someone has wronged you and you want to get even. Most of us don’t know how destructive those thoughts can be and just how much energy we waste in torturing ourselves over things we should just let go.

On 18^th June 2012 at 1215hrs my world came to an awful halt. I lost my brother who was also my best friend to Cancer. He had a grade 4 Glioma brain tumor that eventually took him. He was so strong physically but the brain like a computer processor gave out leaving perfect hardware behind. It was without doubt the worst day of my life and most painful.

Before my brother ever became ill I had some friends who were building houses and wanted me to buy a plot of land with them to build upon. We bought the plot with me putting in cash for my half and they obtained a bond or mortgage for their half. All went well for a while as they built houses and seemed to be doing well. They run a bit close to the wind for my liking and it worried me but I did not have the money to build so sat on the plot that we jointly owned. Those friends risked too much and one day it caught up with them and their business world came tumbling down when the economy slumped. They had to sell everything including the plot of land we jointly owned to pay off their debts.

My brother became ill during that time being diagnosed with cancer and our family was devastated.

I helped my friends allowing them to move into my house rent free for 6 months (with their children and pets) so they could sell their house and save a bit money. I was working overseas at the time so it was not an inconvenience for me at the time. My mind was elsewhere because of my brother’s condition.

They cried tears and said they would never forget what I had done for them.

Later Unbeknown to me, those very friends stopped paying their bond/mortgage on the plot we owned. Eventually lawyers contacted me to say that plot had to be sold. I agreed as I was in no position to buy them out or build on my own. When the transaction was completed my friends took the money from the sale (which was my cash left) and used half of my money to pay off their debts without telling me. When the balance came it dawned on me what had just happened. To add to this I had also loaned these friends money to buy a car to help them get around for interviews to try and get jobs.

After contacting my friends they said they had no money. Those very same friends that had shed tears for what I had done now posted holiday photos on Facebook and other celebrations that obviously cost a lot of money. I had arguments with these friends about the money they were spending when they owed me money.

They eventually began to pay me back for the car after a couple of years waiting at 50 GBP a week until it was paid. It took many phone calls and explanations that the money would be used to help my brothers suffering.

I never received all the money for land so effectively they managed to pass on part of their debt to me and make it my problem. I was livid and disgusted at these friends, especially when my brother was dying and they cared little and went on holiday. To them that was more important than my dying brother.

That’s the way it seemed to me and I spent a lot of energy feeling betrayed, angry, hurt, grief all rolled up together. I contemplated revenge of some sort. Eventually after my brother’s death I turned to positive thinking material to try and come to terms with my grief. This started to make me think that my whole way of thinking about life was wrong. I realized I was giving these so called friends my power. Those friends who had now long forgotten me and did not maintain contact. I found my resentment and desire for revenge was hurting only me and giving me a turmoil that put me in hell.

When selfish people take advantage of you just cross them off your list of friends. My resentment was making me shake with anger. That anger was turning chronic with hypertension and worse things would follow. I’m not religious but I remember from the bible Jesus saying ‘Love thy enemy as thyself’ or something like that. I think he was really warning us of high blood pressure, heart problems, ulcers etc… If we don’t just let go.

‘Better a dinner of herbs made with love than an Ox with hatred’

We may not be as saintly as Jesus to love our enemies but we can think of our own health and happiness. So, for that reason we can forgive and forget. Confucius the great Chinese thinker of his time said ‘To be wronged or robbed is nothing unless you continue to remember and think about it’. Why relive and torture ourselves daily whey the wrong doers have already forgotten us.

So, for your own wellbeing, if you have been wronged stop dwelling upon it and put it behind you and move forward. The only time that matters is the present. Stop worrying about things you cannot change or things that have not happened yet.

I know my brother would want me to be healthy and happy rather than bitter and angry leading to possible health problems. He worried about lots of things and would not want me to worry myself into an early grave. Perhaps faced with the same situation as my so called friends I would do the same. Who am I to judge them?

There is a high cost to be born for getting even or seeking revenge. I have chosen peace instead. You can choose peace in your life too. I don’t condone my friend’s actions and I know their world will always be dogged with ‘cheating’ as that’s the way they lead their lives. Mine on the other hand does not have to be so. I release my friends with love and hope one day they can live better lives and more peaceful abundant lives.

Just look at someone like Nelson Mandela. He saw that forgiveness was the only way forward for everyone to live in peace otherwise even as a free man he would have still been in prison (The prison of his own mind).

John Frederick

How Can I Stop Getting So Angry?

 

 

Not every competitive person approaches their rivals as enemies. Not every angry person is a rage-aholic. But anger is one of the most destructive emotions. It ruins relationships, intimidates co-workers, and creates bad feelings. So it's surprising that it's often an overlooked issue, and in some quarters anger is considered positive, a tool for getting what you want.

At some point angry people realize that they have to change their tactics. They begin to see how negative anger really is. Weighed against its supposed usefulness, getting mad is unrealistic, impractical, and unhealthy. It is unrealistic because your anger won’t cause others to change, however strongly you feel they must. It is impractical because one person’s rage is puny compared to the wrongs and injustice of the world. It is unhealthy because the upset you feel afterward is a state of stress harmful to every cell in your body.

Where do you stand on your own anger? Have you turned the corner and seen it for the negative emotion it really is? The NFL's recent decision to take a strong position on domestic violence, after decades of looking the other way, points toward the violence we feel uncomfortable exposing in daily life. Anger is rooted in human nature, no doubt. It runs the gamut from a righteous sense of injustice to petty resentment, fantasies of revenge, bullying and intimidation--all very common in everyone's experience--before escalating to physical violence, crime, and war. Aggression is something we must all confront either as victim or assailant.

So what's the answer, assuming that you have reached the point where you want to do something about your own anger or anger directed at you? Psychologists would advise that you assess the level of the problem and take suitable measures to deal with the issues that come up. But anger management therapy seems to be of little use. It teaches someone to be more self-aware of their anger, but this isn't useful when anger decides to explode--the force is too primal to overcome with rational restraint.

The world's wisdom traditions take a different tack, offering two valuable insights.

1. Your anger is all about you. You will never deal with it until you look inward to examine yourself.
2. Once you look inward, you will see that anger isn't part of your true self. Be your true self and anger is solved.

The first point keeps us from the endless circle of blame, where we look out into the world, spot something or someone who enrages us, and thus give anger its power. The world's wisdom traditions understood that bad things happen, and often they are unimaginably bad. But however vicious the crime, violation, or war, anger is always personal; its seed infects even the best causes. Only by going inward and plucking out the seed can you contribute to the end of violence. This tactic doesn't appeal to anyone who believes in fighting back, of course. Only after you accept the negativity of anger and its bad effects on you personally does it become feasible to test if going inward is the answer.

The second point says that when you do decide to go inward, you will be shocked at how entangled your anger is with your entire personality, daily actions, beliefs, and world view. Every person contains the anger of centuries. The effect is so pervasive that there is no answer on the level of your ego-personality. It believes in anger and is also helpless to control it. The level of the problem isn't the level of the solution. To find the solution, you must go deeper into your awareness, where you exist as what I call the true self--the level in everyone that is silent, at peace, and content to exist. The true self is the source of the wisdom you want to attain; it isn't passive fatalism. Rather, you become empowered with more creativity, intelligence, tolerance, and compassion -- the very things that have a chance to end violence in yourself and in the world. It's worth considering whether the journey to the true self is valuable enough to follow. For me, there is no other answer to the harm anger has caused in everyone's life.

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