REVENGE

Don’t get Angry – Get Even, Revenge A dish best served Cold

 

You’ve all heard those sayings before. Someone has wronged you and you want to get even. Most of us don’t know how destructive those thoughts can be and just how much energy we waste in torturing ourselves over things we should just let go.

On 18^th June 2012 at 1215hrs my world came to an awful halt. I lost my brother who was also my best friend to Cancer. He had a grade 4 Glioma brain tumor that eventually took him. He was so strong physically but the brain like a computer processor gave out leaving perfect hardware behind. It was without doubt the worst day of my life and most painful.

Before my brother ever became ill I had some friends who were building houses and wanted me to buy a plot of land with them to build upon. We bought the plot with me putting in cash for my half and they obtained a bond or mortgage for their half. All went well for a while as they built houses and seemed to be doing well. They run a bit close to the wind for my liking and it worried me but I did not have the money to build so sat on the plot that we jointly owned. Those friends risked too much and one day it caught up with them and their business world came tumbling down when the economy slumped. They had to sell everything including the plot of land we jointly owned to pay off their debts.

My brother became ill during that time being diagnosed with cancer and our family was devastated.

I helped my friends allowing them to move into my house rent free for 6 months (with their children and pets) so they could sell their house and save a bit money. I was working overseas at the time so it was not an inconvenience for me at the time. My mind was elsewhere because of my brother’s condition.

They cried tears and said they would never forget what I had done for them.

Later Unbeknown to me, those very friends stopped paying their bond/mortgage on the plot we owned. Eventually lawyers contacted me to say that plot had to be sold. I agreed as I was in no position to buy them out or build on my own. When the transaction was completed my friends took the money from the sale (which was my cash left) and used half of my money to pay off their debts without telling me. When the balance came it dawned on me what had just happened. To add to this I had also loaned these friends money to buy a car to help them get around for interviews to try and get jobs.

After contacting my friends they said they had no money. Those very same friends that had shed tears for what I had done now posted holiday photos on Facebook and other celebrations that obviously cost a lot of money. I had arguments with these friends about the money they were spending when they owed me money.

They eventually began to pay me back for the car after a couple of years waiting at 50 GBP a week until it was paid. It took many phone calls and explanations that the money would be used to help my brothers suffering.

I never received all the money for land so effectively they managed to pass on part of their debt to me and make it my problem. I was livid and disgusted at these friends, especially when my brother was dying and they cared little and went on holiday. To them that was more important than my dying brother.

That’s the way it seemed to me and I spent a lot of energy feeling betrayed, angry, hurt, grief all rolled up together. I contemplated revenge of some sort. Eventually after my brother’s death I turned to positive thinking material to try and come to terms with my grief. This started to make me think that my whole way of thinking about life was wrong. I realized I was giving these so called friends my power. Those friends who had now long forgotten me and did not maintain contact. I found my resentment and desire for revenge was hurting only me and giving me a turmoil that put me in hell.

When selfish people take advantage of you just cross them off your list of friends. My resentment was making me shake with anger. That anger was turning chronic with hypertension and worse things would follow. I’m not religious but I remember from the bible Jesus saying ‘Love thy enemy as thyself’ or something like that. I think he was really warning us of high blood pressure, heart problems, ulcers etc… If we don’t just let go.

‘Better a dinner of herbs made with love than an Ox with hatred’

We may not be as saintly as Jesus to love our enemies but we can think of our own health and happiness. So, for that reason we can forgive and forget. Confucius the great Chinese thinker of his time said ‘To be wronged or robbed is nothing unless you continue to remember and think about it’. Why relive and torture ourselves daily whey the wrong doers have already forgotten us.

So, for your own wellbeing, if you have been wronged stop dwelling upon it and put it behind you and move forward. The only time that matters is the present. Stop worrying about things you cannot change or things that have not happened yet.

I know my brother would want me to be healthy and happy rather than bitter and angry leading to possible health problems. He worried about lots of things and would not want me to worry myself into an early grave. Perhaps faced with the same situation as my so called friends I would do the same. Who am I to judge them?

There is a high cost to be born for getting even or seeking revenge. I have chosen peace instead. You can choose peace in your life too. I don’t condone my friend’s actions and I know their world will always be dogged with ‘cheating’ as that’s the way they lead their lives. Mine on the other hand does not have to be so. I release my friends with love and hope one day they can live better lives and more peaceful abundant lives.

Just look at someone like Nelson Mandela. He saw that forgiveness was the only way forward for everyone to live in peace otherwise even as a free man he would have still been in prison (The prison of his own mind).

John Frederick

The Ups and Downs of Life and the Positive Thinker

One can’t believe in anything unless it agrees with our own sense of reasoning or common sense and value system. There are no magic formulas for being a positive thinker, someone who can see the rose when others see only the thorns. One has to really train the mind to act in a positive way to avoid all the negative chitter chatter that goes around in our heads. In that way we should be able to see the opportunities in front of us rather than the obstacles. A positive person will always believe that nothing is impossible and they will always look for the good in any situation be it a lesson or just stopping us from making a bigger mistake than the one we have perhaps just made.

The problem is to get in this state of mind it takes work. It’s not something that just comes easy to us without any effort. Optimism and contentment come with perseverance in right thought. Everyone is looking for the easy option that’s why we turn to all kinds of things that we perceive as the easy answer as if by magic if we wish for something and want it hard enough it will just come like in a Walt Disney movie or something. However, I’m here to tell you there is no substitute for hard work, practice and action to becoming a positive person. That’s why so many of us falter and slide back into negativity even though we may not see it. There is no easy way to fulfilment.

You can believe in Cosmic Ordering, Talismans or some such thing but without action and work nothing really is going to happen without your input. Action is certainly the key to the lock. Some people will argue and say that some people are just born lucky and more fortunate than others but what is luck? Is there some action involved to this outcome? A known outcome to unknown forces?

Most of us in the Western world are luckier than most since we were born into societies where we have legal systems that work, security, food on the table, free from major health issues and even able to enjoy arts and music. Compare that to the person who has no water, sanitation, food or medical care in some war torn country.

What we complain about sometimes is incredible before we stop to consider someone less fortunate than ourselves. We complain that life is not fair or someone cut us up in traffic or perhaps stolen our car parking space from under our nose. Let it go! Just be thankful the universe has not sought you out to make your world more ‘Fair’ to bring you in line with the majority of individuals in the world who live in that parallel world next to us.

Positive people are lucky people. Not that they magically bring more luck to themselves but by the simple perception of how they really see things. They are the kind of people who through adversity still see the positive and consider themselves fortunate just by a mental shift in thinking and view of life.

I met a man who was paralyzed from the neck down in Cape Town. He said since his accident he felt he was lucky to have found the kind of peace in his life he now knows. He painted with brushes in his teeth the most beautiful pictures and held talks on personal development. He considered that he had achieved more and helped more people in the last few years than his entire life before. He said he was now truly blessed. I was utterly amazed at his positive thinking and outlook. Instead of thinking ‘why me?’ he found something good in his situation and made use of it.

There is an old saying that goes something like ‘I had no shoes so I had the blues, until I walked the street and met the man with no feet’. We should always count our blessings and be grateful for what we have in our lives no what we don’t have.

If you believe you are lucky then you will be lucky with that positive mindset. Things in the world just happen, it’s how we view it that decides our standpoint. The same event can be lucky or unlucky depending on your perceptions. That’s not to say that positive people think everything will just come to them without action or any effort on their part. No, it’s just a way of getting the best out of any outcome leading on with an optimistic mind instead of a black cloud following us everywhere. Positive thinkers learn from their mistakes and put disappointment behind them with the strength and fortitude to continue. They cultivate the habit of seeing the best in a situation and not the worst and that leads to opportunities that they may not have seen otherwise.

So, choose your thoughts wisely, visualize the good and adopt a positive attitude in your thinking. Keep yourself from drifting into the negative. You can’t do it overnight but you can do it. You can begin by starting to ignore all the negativity that we get bombarded with every day with the TV and all the bad news. Check your thoughts constantly and don’t give up easily. If things go wrong it is not confirmation that the negative thinkers were right. The absence of evidence is not evidence of absence. You choose which suits you better and be positive to all the ups and downs of life. They are there whether you think one way or the other it is only how you see it that changes. That could make all the difference in your life to being happy or miserable. Try it and see for yourself.

Martin Paul