Trials and
tribulations, frets and worries abound. Many are valid, most as true, and all
touch and change life. Because each encounter, regardless of its seeming
importance of the moment, can be quite significant in the long run. And that is
where individual authenticity becomes so valuable.
Authenticity
is that genuineness that resonates from the soul, from the essence of being. It
is the deep, down reality of an individual. It is what makes a person tick and
tock; it is a natural rhythm and rock. It creates balance and stability because
the person is true to the self, faithful to the heart, and sincere in the soul.
While much of authenticity is automatic – we are who we are – it is sometimes
difficult to maintain this characteristic. When we enter rough waters and
restless situations, finding the “right” answer for ourselves, accepting that
our right answer does not necessarily meet the needs of others, may require
strength and perspiration not to mention intestinal fortitude.
Why would
authenticity take so much effort, attention, and determination? I believe it is
because basically most people are good. They care about others and they want to
create and live in a healthy, happy world. Because of this outward regard, it
is easy to lose sight of inward focus. We can lose track of our “self” as we
attend to the wants and needs of others. And while we may be behaving with
authentic concern, we sometimes disguise our real beliefs and understanding to
placate another person’s. A little loss can be a gain in the long run as we
learn. A lot of loss can mean becoming sightless of the self.
Examples of
this type of lost-ness might be spouses, especially if one is particularly
domineering. It is often far simpler to give in, to relent, rather than stand
up for a fight. Not a fistfight or screaming match, of course, but just taking
a stance for a personal wish, desire, or dream and while being willing to
reshape it also recognizing that staying with it is essential to authenticity.
In an authentic relationship, both participants listen, offer feedback, and
then compromise without losing sight of the true desires of the soul while
accepting that give-and-take is valuable. Since authenticity by nature should
be kind, even when ideas and opinions differ respect reigns and decisions are
made with the very best intent.
Parents,
especially in my observations, mothers, may become lost in child rearing. In
this case it is not so much that authenticity vanishes but that concern for
another being supersedes all choices and situations. Part of this is good –
parenting is a tremendous responsibility where selfishness must be put aside
for the well-being of the child. Parents determined to remain in their own
self-centered realm while children self-raise are relinquishing a key component
of the parenting role. But this responsibility does not mean total loss of
self, but rather a strengthening of moral fiber that will be reflected and
absorbed by children.
I find
authenticity to be a challenging but gratifying characteristic. I believe I
have the genuineness and honesty areas under control and I believe that most
people with whom I work recognize this in my behavior and deeds. I also admit
that sometimes I waffle and waver to try to satisfy others and that is when
bits of my authenticity slip away. The good thing is that these slippings are
recoverable. Just because I bow to another today to try to pull a team together
does not mean that this part of me is forever lost. I can regroup, re-examine,
and regain that authenticity that makes me, me.
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