Why Some Kids Try Harder and Some Kids Give Up

Why Some Kids Try Harder and Some Kids Give Up

My toddler struggled to buckle the straps on her high chair. "Almost," she muttered as she tried again and again. "Almost," I agreed, trying not to hover. When she got it, I exclaimed, "You did it! It was hard, but you kept trying, and you did it. I'm so proud of you."

The way I praised her effort took a little effort on my part. If I hadn't known better, I might have just said, "Clever girl!" (Or even "Here, let me help you with that.") What's so bad about that? Read on.

Stanford researcher Carol Dweck has been studying motivation and perseverance since the 1960s. And she found that children fall into one of two categories:

·                                 Those with a fixed mindset, who believe their successes are a result of their innate talent or smarts

·                                 Those with a growth mindset, who believe their successes are a result of their hard work

Fixed mindset: 'If you have to work hard, you don't have ability.'
Kids with a fixed mindset believe that you are stuck with however much intelligence you're born with. They would agree with this statement: "If you have to work hard, you don't have ability. If you have ability, things come naturally to you." When they fail, these kids feel trapped. They start thinking they must not be as talented or smart as everyone's been telling them. They avoid challenges, fearful that they won't look smart.

Growth mindset: 'The more you challenge yourself, the smarter you become.'

Kids with a growth mindset believe that intelligence can be cultivated: the more learning you do, the smarter you become. These kids understand that even geniuses must work hard. When they suffer a setback, they believe they can improve by putting in more time and effort. They value learning over looking smart. They persevere through difficult tasks.

What creates these beliefs in our kids? The type of praise we give them -- even starting at age 1.
The research

In one study, Dweck gathered up fifth graders, randomly divided them in two groups, and had them work on problems from an IQ test. She then praised the first group for their intelligence:

"Wow, that's a really good score. You must be smart at this."

She praised the second group for their effort:

"Wow, that's a really good score. You must have tried really hard."

She continued to test the kids, including presenting them with a choice between a harder or easier task.

Kids praised for their effort tended to take the challenging task, knowing they could learn more. They were more likely to continue feeling motivated to learn and to retain their confidence as problems got harder.

Kids praised for their intelligence requested the easier task, knowing there was a higher chance of success. They lost their confidence as problems got harder, and they were much more likely to inflate their test scores when recounting them.

Later, Dweck and her colleagues took the study out of the lab and into the home. Every four months for two years, Stanford and University of Chicago researchers visited fifty-three families and recorded them for ninety minutes as they went about their usual routines. The children were 14 months old at the start of the study.

Researchers then calculated how often parents used each type of praise: praising effort; praising character traits; and "other praise" that has a neutral effect, like "Good!" and "Wow!"

They waited five years.
Then the researchers surveyed the children, now 7 to 8 years old, on their attitudes toward challenges and learning. Children with a growth mindset tended to be more interested in challenges. Which kids had a growth mindset? Those who had heard more process praise as toddlers.



Can you unfix a fixed mindset?

I got an email from an inner-city high school teacher. "Is it too late to learn algebra, or third-person singular conjugation, or rocket science if you didn't [develop a growth mindset] when you were 4 years old?" she asked.

Dweck had the same question. So she took middle-schoolers and college students who had fixed mindsets. She found that the students were able to improve their grades when they were taught that the brain is like a muscle: intelligence is not fixed.

It's not too late -- not for your kids, and not for you. Salman Khan of Khan Academy is on a mission to let you know it. He created an inspiring video, based on Dweck's work, titled "You Can Learn Anything":

The message: The brain is like a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it gets. The way you exercise your brain is by embracing challenges, practicing skills, learning new things. As Khan puts it, "the brain grows most by getting questions wrong, not right."

Which is why, when my toddler was trying to snap her own buckle, I needed to encourage her to take on the challenge by saying, "Almost!" and "Try again" instead of "Here, let me do that for you."

Pass it on

Sharing is caring, as they say. "If society as a whole begins to embrace the struggle of learning, there is no end to what that could mean for global human potential," Khan writes.

So pass it on!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tracy-cutchlow/why-some-kids-try-harder-and-some-kids-give-up_b_5826816.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063

Will Smith talking about his success mindset and personal development!

5 Traits That Reveal You're Destined For Success

 

Do you often feel unhappy and frustrated because you're not where you want to be in life, even though you're making an effort to progress towards your goals?

The truth is, we are often our own worst critics as sometimes we think our success or progress is too small to be acknowledged or celebrated.

But chances are we may have accomplished much more than we really think!

Even though success has a different meaning for everyone, there are some commonalities that will help you identify that you're on the right path to success.

Below are 5 traits that prove you're destined for success. If you already possess them - awesome! If not, why not try adopting them into your life this week? :)

Trait 1. You're clear on what's most important to you.

You know exactly what you want in life and you're not afraid to go after it. You have set yourself immediate goals and you're constantly making an effort to work towards them. You're not afraid of failure, as you consider this your greatest teacher.

Trait 2. You enjoy the present moment.

You've realized that you only have one life to live and you embrace it fully. Even though you're always looking to learn and improve yourself, you're grateful for the things that you have and where you stand in your life right NOW.

Trait 3. You know your worth.

Time and past experiences have taught you that loving yourself, saying 'no' when you mean no and putting yourself first, is not about being selfish, but rather being self-aware. You acknowledge the gifts and qualities you were born with and you continually work to develop them without comparing yourself with others.

Trait 4. You work on yourself first before judging others.

You know how easy it can be to judge other people without looking at yourself first. That's why you stop to ask yourself, 'what makes me feel so strongly about this situation?' You respect other people's opinions and the way they choose to live. You make an extra effort to understand others and accept them for who they are.

Trait 5. You have great relationships in your life.

All of the amazing friendships and relationships you have in your life are a reflection of your capacity to love and all the qualities that make you unique and wonderful. Not everyone is as blessed as you are, so never forget to celebrate that!

Hopefully you can see there are many amazing things that you've created in your life, some of which you may even be taking for granted. So the next time you need some motivation or you feel weighed down by the frustration of not having accomplished your main goals in life, go through this list and be thankful for where you are today!

Also, remember that success is not a skill, but an attitude that is learned through what you do every day. So keep your vibration high and your outlook positive :)

http://www.mindmovies.com/blogroll/post.php?id=143

6 Excuses That Could Be Sabotaging Your Success

When you're faced with a big challenge, does it excite you or do you immediately get scared and convince yourself that it's probably a bad idea?

If you ever try and talk yourself out of conquering a challenge or task that will help you grow, it may be that your mind is playing tricks on you!

You see, when we try to get outside of our comfort zone, our mind immediately tries to settle us back into 'the known' at all costs. This can halt our personal growth, sabotage our wellbeing, and even cause us to miss great opportunities.

So how do you know if your mind is playing tricks on you? Below are 6 excuses you may be telling yourself to justify that it's okay not to take a challenge to change, ultimately leaving you stuck right where you are.

Do any of them sound familiar? Let's find out:

Excuse 1. It's not my fault.

You think that your success, failure or current situation depends on the circumstances around you. So you think... 'the reason I'm stuck in this job is because my parents didn't send me to the right college' or 'the reason that I don't look like I want to is due to genetics' or 'I was born like this so there's nothing I can do about it.'

Excuse 2. I can't live without my ____.

You can fill in the blank with: coffee, soda, fav TV show, car, etc. All of these are examples of things you may have convinced yourself you need and simply can't live, or progress in life, without.

Excuse 3. Life is meant to be enjoyed, it shouldn't be hard.

Of course there is truth to this, however if you're just using this statement to justify your unhealthy habits like eating a full box of donuts by yourself because 'life is meant to be enjoyed', then most likely it's an excuse your mind is creating to sabotage your wellbeing.

Excuse 4. One time won't hurt.

This is a tough one for most people, as we tend to think... 'one bite of that cheese cake won't count', or 'one time I miss working out, won't hurt'... but is it really going to be just once?

Unfortunately, most of the time, it's really not. One thing leads to another; so unless you're very strong minded and determined, don't risk yourself by believing the 'one time' excuse.

Excuse 5. I'm too tired.

Really? Well, guess what... me too! But I still woke up early and went to the gym, did my morning meditation and set my day up for success.

The important thing here is to really know the difference between when your body truly needs to rest and when your mind is telling you to avoid an uncomfortable situation.

Just think about how, despite being really tired, you still would find energy to go out with someone you really liked if you had to.

Excuse 6. I deserve this 'bad thing.'

It's true that you might deserve a break or a reward, but if you make this your everyday rule, then you'll always end up giving yourself rewards rather than working towards what you truly want in life.

So... how did you go? Did any of them sound familiar?

If you found that you've used these excuses more than once, don't beat yourself up... there's nothing wrong with giving in once in a while.

What's most important is that you learn your limits and keep progressing toward the life you desire and deserve, despite the nagging little voice that may pop up in your head telling you otherwise!


http://www.mindmovies.com/blogroll/post.php?id=147

A Few Lessons From Shock and Disappointment

 

Just last week, I did the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge.

My video was more than three minutes long. I didn’t just film myself dumping a bucket of ice and water on me. I had something to say about the nature of the challenge and how some people were making dismissive and even negative comments on it.

You see, my dad died from ALS when I was only 20.

I took up the challenge on my own without being nominated by anybody.

And yep, to be perfectly honest, I was hoping that my message, given where I was coming from would resonate with all of my friends and that they’d be inspired by me.

I also most certainly expected all of those I nominated to take up the challenge.

But alas, although I knew deep down that I couldn’t force others to see eye to eye with me, deeper down, I was very disappointed with a couple of reactions I got.

One friend replied me, “Haha I don’t give a sh*t bro” when I joked with him asking when he was going to do it.

Another friend was all like, “You donated $100? Do you know how much money actually goes to the CEOs bro? Do you know how much actually goes to ALS research? Do you blah blah blah bro?”

I was aghast.

I didn’t think that my own friends would be do dismissive towards something so important to me. I didn’t think they’d believe everything they read on the internet (because reading up on where ALS donations end up at supposedly makes you smarter than the majority who did the challenge.)

Perhaps it has just been me, but then again, it is definitely about me as I can get very sensitive towards expecting others to make what seems to be obviously the correct choice.

That’s the thing about life.

You may think you’re doing the right thing or that you may think you’ve done something so awesome and inspiring that you expect everyone else to know where you’re coming from.

But that’s now how it works in life sometimes.

You may have the best intentions and put in your best effort, but there’re still going to have people who’d find a way to disagree with you, even from people you least expect from.

And the best thing to do is to stop focusing all our energies on them.

Just because a thorn stands out doesn’t mean we should purposely get pricked by it.

If you continuously focus on the negative, you’re only blinding yourself to the good stuff.

And to put it in very harsh terms, that’s entirely your own fault.

It is said that there’re no good or bad things in this world. It’s only your reaction towards them.

The friends who did not want to do the challenge bothered me for a while, but then I decided to just let it go and focus on other good people.

A few days later, another group of friends I’m closer to got together and did the challenge for me right here and here.

Yeah. It really made my day, especially the first video when they said, “We’re doing this in support of our boy Alden.”

People really do care for you and your cause. You just need to cover your ears to block out the noise and remember that that’s all they are, noise.

We shouldn’t have to keep feeling bad just because of a little noise.

I know, it’s cliché advice that we should focus on the positive and not the negative, but if you ask me, I think we’re fully allowed to feel great and as long as we want, just because we can!

I say, milk it. Milk all the positive energy you can. Live it up!

If we’re taught to always analyze and suck it up when it comes to disappointment and obstacles just to craft a few lessons, then I think there’s no reason why we can’t celebrate when something good happens.

Because if we can’t celebrate ourselves, then who’s going to do it for us?

If there was one ultimate lesson to all of this, I’d say that it’s about not playing the victim anymore. You don’t have to be in a position of needing help or a rescue before you realize that people care for you.

You’ve to take charge of your life. You can do anything you want. You might as well point it in the positive direction.

http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/lessons-from-shock-and-disappointment/

The Four Principles of Happiness

 

There comes a time in every person’s life when they have to decide if they are where they want to be or if they want to work towards getting to where they want to be. They also have to figure out if they even know what success truly is. I’ve had to examine these questions myself. Let’s talk about it.

How do we get to be where we want to be? What is success? Success is a subjective subject for most people. Some people consider success, having a job and being able to pay their bills, while others consider success, having a lot of money and other material things. Others, still, consider success living a social life with friends and loved ones.

Success is none of those things and all of those things, all at the same time. Real success comes in the form of happiness. Simply, if a person isn’t happy, they aren’t successful. One could even say that success is a byproduct of happiness. What is happiness, you may ask? It took me a long time to figure out the answer to that question. Like most things in life, discovering the answer was a process, it didn’t happen all at once.

It was six years after I graduated college. Up to this point, I had worked every miserable and, to me, demeaning job, I would want to work in one lifetime. Call centers, delivering pizzas, retail; jobs that made me want to tie a rope around my neck and step off of the bar stool. I had just been released from a big box retail chain and was in the job market for about two or three months. I happened upon an ad for a Network Administrator position. So, I applied for the job and got called for an interview. By this time, in my life, I had mastered how to do an interview, so I wasn’t nervous. Long story short, I got the job. It took me six long years to get a job in my field of study, but I did it.

This job came with it all. It was decent pay, I was doing what I wanted to do, and above all, I had my own office. I tell you what, it may not seem like much to some, but having your own office is where it’s at. Despite this, I still wasn’t happy. Sure, I enjoyed my work and didn’t have to worry about money, but these are external things. Happiness isn’t external, it’s internal. Discover the internal and it will become eternal.

I had to take a step back and stop looking at the outside circumstances and material aspect of life, and look inside myself. Most days, I hate myself. I don’t hold myself in high esteem. As a result, I hate everyone around me. Sometimes, I look at others and become envious of what they have, whether it be looks, money, power, whatever. This mentality, obviously, is the antithesis of happiness.

In order to be happy, you have to understand a number of things, I’ll call these The Four Principles of Happiness:

1. Life and being are two different things.

Being is a constant. We are human beings. This means that we will be who we are, no matter what happens. Life is a variable. In our lives, unexpected things happen all the time. We can’t prepare for everything. What we can do is not let life affect our being. When we do that, we upset the applecart and everything becomes frustrating. Life is the waves in the ocean of being. Sometimes, that ocean is calm and other times there are storms brewing. Keep yourself calm and take those waves until waters are calm again and continue to sail on.

2. You can only control yourself.

This might seem like common sense, but to some it’s not. Namely, me. For a lot of people, a huge amount of stress can be alleviated by understanding this principle. If someone spends their life trying to control someone else, they are living a life of futility. When I came to realize and accept that I can only dictate my own actions and not somebody else, it felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off of my shoulders. This can come in many forms: spouses trying to control the other spouse, parents trying to control children, friends trying to control other friends. At the end of the day, people are going to do what they are going to do. Only you are going to do what you want to do, so just focus on that and really, that’s all that is important.

3. Understand stress.

Notice I didn’t say avoid stress. In a fantasy world, there is no stress and everyone lives happily ever after. Here’s something that will blow your hair back, though, we don’t live in a fantasy world. Also, avoiding stress will just end up causing more stress. The key to stress, is to understand it and embrace it. When you are at the point of knowing what stress is, accepting it, and being able to deal with it accordingly, it no longer feels like stress. If you want to talk about bliss, some would consider not feeling stress, pure bliss. I’m saying this matter of factly, in truth, this is a hard concept to master. Buddhists spend their lives practicing this philosophy of nirvana, so don’t expect it to come easily. I’m still learning how to deal with it.

4. Happiness is for everyone.

Some people think that they will never find happiness. As long as someone thinks that, it will be true. Everyone should know that they are entitled to happiness and if they follow the guidelines that I’ve talked about and numerous other people have talked about, they can achieve it. It’s not easy, and it’s not going to happen overnight. You have to keep working at it, like anything. Just like those six years I kept trying to get a job doing what I thought I wanted to do, keep chiseling away at the things that keep you from reaching an understanding and happiness that few people know exist.

Happiness is not always having a smile on your face, but a complete understanding of self and the surrounding. Achieving this kind of happiness that I have described, true happiness, will lead you on a path of assured success. It is a powerful realization. One that is synonymous with understanding yourself and everything around you. I think that meditation is a great tool for attaining this universal consciousness. Reading and being open minded are another set of great tools. Whatever you choose to do on your journey is up to you, just know that anything is possible if you wish it so.

http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/four-principles-happiness/

WHO IS ‘LOUISE L. HAY?’

 

RECENTLY DUBBED "the closest thing to a living saint" by the Australian media, Louise L. Hay is also known as one of the founders of the self-help movement. Her first book, Heal Your Body, was published in 1976, long before it was fashionable to discuss the connection between the mind and body. Revised and expanded in 1988, this best-selling book introduced Louise's concepts to people in 33 different countries and has been translated into 25 languages throughout the world.

Through Louise’s healing techniques and positive philosophy, millions have learned how to create more of what they want in their lives, including more wellness in their bodies, minds, and spirits. Her own personal philosophy was forged from her tormented upbringing. Her childhood was unstable and impoverished, and her teen years were marked by abuse. Louise ran away from home and ended up in New York City, where she became a model and married a prosperous businessman. Although it appeared that her life had turned around, it was not until the marriage ended 14 years later that her healing really began.

Louise started what would become her life's work in New York City in 1970. She attended meetings at the Church of Religious Science and began training in the ministerial program. She became a popular speaker at the church, and soon found herself counseling clients. This work quickly blossomed into a full-time career. After several years, Louise compiled a reference guide detailing the mental causes of physical ailments, and developed positive thought patterns for reversing illness and creating health. This compilation was the basis for Heal Your Body, also known affectionately as "the little blue book." She began traveling throughout the United States, lecturing and facilitating workshops on loving ourselves and healing our lives.

Louise was able to put her philosophies into practice when she was diagnosed with cancer. She considered the alternatives to surgery and drugs, and instead developed an intensive program of affirmations, visualization, nutritional cleansing, and psychotherapy. Within six months, she was completely healed of cancer.

 

In 1980, Louise moved back to her native Southern California, and it was here that she began putting her workshop methods on paper. In 1984, her new book, You Can Heal Your Life, was published. In it, Louise explains how our beliefs and ideas about ourselves are often the cause of our emotional problems and physical maladies and how, by using certain tools, we can change our thinking and our lives for the better.

You Can Heal Your Life reached the New York Times bestseller list and remained on it for 13 consecutive weeks. More than 50 million copies of You Can Heal Your Life have been sold throughout the world. Twenty years later, due to her appearances on the Oprah Winfrey Show, You Can Heal Your Life was again on the New York Times bestseller list. The first time in that publication’s history that has happened!

In 1985, Louise began her famous support group, "The Hayride," with six men diagnosed with AIDS. By 1988, the group had grown to a weekly gathering of 800 people and had moved to an auditorium in West Hollywood. Once again, Louise had started a movement of love and support long before people began to wear red ribbons in their lapels. It was during this time that she wrote The AIDS Book: Creating a Positive Approach, based on her experiences with this powerful group.

Louise now heads Hay House, a successful publishing company. What began as a small venture in the living room of her home has turned into a prosperous corporation that has sold millions of books and tapes worldwide. Hay House authors include many notables in the self-help movement, including Wayne Dyer, Joan Borysenko, and Doreen Virtue, among others. In addition, The Hay Foundation is a non-profit organization established by Louise that encourages and financially supports diverse organizations which supply food, shelter, counseling, hospice care and money to those with Aids, battered women and other crises.

At 81, Louise released her first-ever film on her life and work You Can Heal Your Life: The Movie. To watch the trailer visit www.youcanhealyourlifemovie.com. She continues to lecture around the world, recently returning from trips to Great Britain, Australia and Canada. When she’s not traveling, Louise enjoys painting, gardening, and dancing at her home in San Diego, California.